Megan Again: Germ Warfare
By Megan Wirts
Do you guys remember how excited I was about school starting? Well, I’m over it. Over it! Not because I miss my precious little pumpkins, no, not that. I don’t miss them because they have been home sick, coughing and sneezing and vomiting all over my house since the second week of school. I am over the GERMS! So many germs!
Thank you little Timmy for wiping your snot filled nose on my son’s shirt. And dear daughter, I know we say that “sharing means caring”, but sharing your lip gloss with your BFF wasn’t a great idea. Especially when said BFF has been...
...coughing for days. So, here I sit with two whiney sick small people, caring for their every need, while I insist that their father hold his breath, spray Lysol and hand sanitize any time he comes within a few feet of them. Someone has to go to work and we all know that I don’t need a man with a man cold on top of all of this. (I love you honey, but DON’T GET SICK!)
I don’t want to get sick either! How do I keep myself healthy while these walking petri dishes spread their nasty germs all over my house? Ugh.
So, like any good mother that is mothering in the 21st century, I took to the internet to find out the best ways to not catch the wretched germs that my snot filled small people are carrying. The advice was overwhelming and ranged from simple things like washing your hands and not sharing drinks, to going out into the forest and gathering up herbs and berries and spending the next 36 hours standing on top of your head while ingesting the special concoction and chanting “I will not get sick!” over and over again. (Ok, I made that last thing up. You never know, it might work.)
It was also suggested that you get at least 8 hours of sleep in order to keep your immune system at peak performance so as not to catch the nasty germs. I’m pretty sure the people writing these articles and giving such ridiculous advice don’t have children of their own, let alone children with mucous pouring out of their faces. They apparently have never had a 2:00am wakeup call from a child coughing right in your face spraying droplets of death directly into your mouth. Then at 4:35am the other one wakes up crying because they just spewed dinner all over their comforter. Good times, good times.
Another suggestion was to make sure to have the sick people cough or sneeze into their elbows and then wash their hands immediately afterwards while singing “Happy Birthday”. Sure, this sounds like a grand idea, until the coughing is every 2.5 seconds and you have run out of soap and hand sanitizer. Then, their hands become reddened and chapped because of all the washing and now they have another thing to whine about. AHHH!
However, I am determined to not let the germs get to me though. I will wash everything, sanitize constantly, use essential oils, increase my vitamin intake, keep myself hydrated (does wine and coffee count?) and implement all the tried and true tricks to keep myself germ free. I REFUSE TO GET SICK! You won’t get me this time common cold virus. I’m going to gargle with hand sanitizer if I have to. This is a battle I will win!!!
*Update* They got to me…cough, cough, sneeze. Forget all that crap, it doesn’t work. Now where are my tissues and who is going to make me some chicken noodle soup?
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