Sending In The Clowns

Sending In The Clowns
By Ken DeLaat

Crazed Clowns on the loose?

After multiple reports of menacing clowns popping up across the USA  this epidemic of  creepy clown sightings has spread into West Michigan. Big Rapids and South Haven have both endured incidents the likes of which have been reported in more than a dozen states.

Time to panic?
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There have been rumors of spottings in our fair county as well though these have not been substantiated by... 

...any official reports that we know of. What does it mean? Is it merely the kind of  pre-Halloween hype some folks embrace in anticipation of their favorite holiday or perhaps just another round of political candidates showing their true colors?

Or more than likely a series of copy-cat clownage  capers creating a creepy concern in the coulrophobic among us?

Nevertheless the appearance of these horror movie staples has erupted the kind of muted panic once reserved for the advancing armies of killer bees and massive bird die-offs.

Personally? Not a big fan of clowns.

It’s not a fear-based thing. Nothing to do with Stephen King’s “It”, the doll in Poltergeist or even the time I was talked into attending an Insane Clown Posse concert a couple decades back (the only time I ever remember being doused with Faygo but truly another story altogether).

I’ve just never warmed up much to the whole concept of these painted purveyors of pantomime. Oh I don’t mind the Scottville Clown Band because they’re usually busy playing music in lieu of engaging in clowning activity, and the rodeo variety seem to serve a rather useful purpose as they draw bulls away from those who choose to ride them momentarily.

But your standard run of the mill clowns elude my sense of amusement.

And now these white faced warriors are threatening the very well being of our community?

I think not.

The occasional misguided miscreant mucking about in full clown garb may be a bit unsettling but it’s not as if they’re about to mount any kind of full scale assault on society. It might very well be they’ve just tired of Pokemon Go and have moved on to another attempt at achieving some level of personal relevancy.

So a recent local rumor involving the witnessing of a clown standing by a car alongside of the road should not produce any panic right?

Unless of course it’s one of those little cars they drive in the circus.

If I recall, correctly from my youth you might find a couple dozen wannabe Bozos pouring out of the doors of their pint-sized vehicle.

And if during my regular practice of roadside survelliance I should spot one of those oversized clown shoes?

One can only imagine what it might mean.

“I think we’re all Bozos on this bus.”- The Firesign Theater