Looking To AI For The Answer

It's all about the shoes

By Ken De Laat

Unless you have successfully gone completely off grid (which means you won’t be reading this anyway) AI, aka artificial intelligence, has been hitting the airwaves and cyber sites quite a bit lately. From the ability to replace humans in any number of occupations to the sci-fi notion of a takeover (the ‘futuristic’ setting for HAL 9000 was over 20 years ago) AI has become a talking point for politicians, preachers and pundits the world over.

Being intrigued by its supposed ability to create answers to complex questions there was really only one question that came to mind. 
The shoes, of course.
Those solitary soles spotted along our roadways in some of the most precarious spots almost as if…wait for it…
By plan.

Lifetime Spousal Companion Lil has endured countless theories and questions that have arisen during 50 years of road trips during which shoe spotting goes beyond observation advancing into discussion as to what lies behind the epidemic. Granted her near legendary patience was tried mightily when I called her at work during a meeting she was in  and shared my discovery of a particularly unusual high heeled single lying on the off ramp to downtown (“Do me a favor and don’t call me at work about shoes anymore, ok?”). 
Truly remarkable woman I must say.
Since then I have tried to limit sharing these discoveries to when she’s in the car.
Oh, and not sleeping. That was another agreement after a couple of unfortunate incidents during lengthy travels.

From the beginning my mantra has been ‘What does it mean?’ and yet the quest for answers has long been met with frustration.
Then it occurred to me. Why not try AI? 
Well let me tell you, in my opinion their answers fell woefully short. 

Me: Why does one see so many single shoes alongside the road and what does it mean?

AI: There are several theories about why there are so many single shoes on the road. Here are some of them:

• People are forgetful creatures. Several told stories about how they placed their gym shoes/dress shoes/kid’s shoes on top of the car, got distracted, then got in the car and drove off with the shoes on the roof. Eventually, the kicks can’t stand up to your vehicle’s high speeds and they go flying off into the road in hopes of becoming an entertaining enigma to passing drivers. 
• Children (and parents!) sometimes get the urge to throw things. Sometimes, those things are shoes. Sometimes, they are in the car when that urge strikes.
• Alcohol: If you’ve ever been “over-served,” then perhaps you know the feeling of waking up the next morning to find all of your worldly possessions didn’t make it home with you. Maybe it’s your cell phone, maybe it’s your entire purse or maybe it’s a shoe.

First of all, while possibly part of a cover-up, these answers do have their merits. I’m certain the occasional shoe is tossed in anger at another occupant of the car and the aim of the person is such that it not only misses the intended target but finds its way through an open window with the driver electing to not make a turn around. But likely not a frequent occurrence.
And it's not hard to believe that some may have fallen off vehicles having personally  lost a cellphone (x2) and numerous coffee mugs in a similar manner. But again not an occurrence that would satisfyingly answer the sheer numbers of lost soles.
I also can see the possibility of waking up missing a shoe after  a bout of being ‘overserved’. An acquaintance of mine once told me that during his heavy drinking days his morning after game was “Find My Car” so misplacing a shoe now and then is understandable I guess.

But none of these stabs at this mysterious ongoing phenomena hit the mark for me. The sheer proliferation points to a more widespread and possibly even conspiratorial effort. Is it all a sign? Might there be a message being sent to us via abandoned footwear? Or could it all be more of a diversionary tactic meant to steer us away from the real issue whatever that might be.

All I know is that in my lifelong quest to get an answer to the burning question AI  fell significantly short of being impressive. AI may know how to knock out a term paper, come up with a business plan and even develop new ideas.
But toss one of life’s true mysteries at them and one is left, once again, with that solitary shoe mantra,
“What does it mean?”
​And the quest continues.

“Peter lost one of his shoes among the cabbages, and the other shoe amongst the potatoes.”- Beatrix Potter, Peter Rabbit